Answering Machine

Berikut ini adalah rekaman pada mesin penjawab yang disahkan oleh International Institute of Answering Machine Answers, berdasarkan Peraturan PBB Pengganti Resolusi No 3/2002.
“Saya dan istri saya tidak dapat mengangkat telepon saat ini, tapi bila Anda meninggalkan nama dan nomor Anda, kami akan menghubungi Anda segera setelah kami selesai.”
“A berarti saya lagi asyik, B saya lagi bete, C saya lagi cuek. Saya tidak mengangkat telepon karena salah satu alasan ini. Jadi, tinggalkanlah pesan Anda.”
“Hai, ini Elhade. Kalau anda dari perusahaan telepon, saya sudah mengirimkan uang tagihan saya. Kalau anda orang tua saya, tolong kirimi saya uang. Kalau anda teman saya, kembalikan uang saya! Kalau Anda wanita, jangan khawatir, saya punya banyak uang.”
“Hai, saya tidak ada di rumah saat ini. Tapi mesin penjawab saya ada di rumah kok. Jadi, bicara aja sama dia. Tunggu setelah suara beep.”
“Ini bukan mesin penjawab, ini alat perekam pikiran telepatik. Setelah nada berikut ini, pikirkan nama Anda, alasan Anda menelepon, dan nomor yang bisa saya hubungi. Dan saya akan berpikir untuk menelepon Anda.”
“Hai, bisa jadi saya ada di rumah saat ini. Tapi saya sedang menghindari seseorang yang tidak saya sukai. Tinggalkan pesan, dan bila saya tidak menelepon balik, berarti orang itu adalah Anda.”
“Halo. Ini Anti dan Anto. Kami tidak bisa mengangkat telepon saat ini, karena kami sedang melakukan sesuatu yang sangat kami nikmati. Anti senang melakukannya dari atas ke bawah, dan saya lebih senang melakukannya dari kiri ke kanan, pelan sekali… Jadi tinggalkan pesan Anda, dan setelah kami selesai menyikat gigi, kami akan menghubungi Anda.”
—– English Message —–
My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished.
A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So leave a message.
Hi. This is Elhade: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.
Hi. Now you say something.
Hi, I’m not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
Hello. I am Elhade’s answering machine. What are you?
(From Japanese friend ) He-lo! This is Sa-to. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave *sèxy* message, I call sooner!
Hi! Elhade’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.
My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
This is not an answering machine — this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I’ll think about returning your call.
Hi. I am probably home, I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.
Hi, this is Elhade. I’m sorry I can’t answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
If you are a burglar, then we’re probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can’t come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren’t home and it’s safe to leave us a message.
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
Hello, you’ve reached Elhade and Sophie. We can’t pick up the phone right now, because we’re doing something we really enjoy. Sophie likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right… real slowly. So leave a message, and when we’re done brushing our teeth we’ll get back to you.