A famous film director was shouting at a group of actors. The company doctor said, “If you shout all the time, you’ll get an ulcer.”
The director look at the doctor and replied, “I don’t get ulcers, I give them.”
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Anne, why do doctors wear masks when they operate?
So that nobody will recognize them if anything wrong goes.
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I want to live to a very old age.
That’s easy. If you eat an apple every day for 1200 months, you’ll live to be 100 years old.
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The diamond necklace looks wonderful on you, madam.
Yes, it does, doesn’t it? But if my husband doesn’t like it, will you refuse to take it back?
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On the ferry to France, you must all be very careful, said the headmaster. If a student falls into the sea, what will you do?
Shout “Boy overboard”, sir.
And what will you do if a teacher falls into the sea?
…???
There was a moment of silence, then a voice said:
“It would depend which one, sir!”
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Darling, what do you do with all the money I give you?
Well, dear. If you stand in front of the mirror, you’ll see where it goes!
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Do you think I have a gift for playing the piano?
No, but I’ll give you one, if you stop playing.
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What shall we do tonight?
Let’s toss a coin to decide.
Okay.
If it’s heads, we’ll watch television and if it’s tails we’ll play football. But if it lands on its edge, we’ll do our homework!
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Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
If you sit down, I’ll deal with you in a minute.
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Jones, if I give you $5.50 and $20.45, what will you have?
A smile on my face, sir!
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